Employer: We need someone responsible for the job.
Me: Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong, everybody said I was responsible.
So our up coming LEGO competition this weekend involves handing kids LEGO minifigures and having them create jobs for them. This made me think of some great moments in my own work history.
It takes over 3500 bolts to assemble a car, but it only takes one nut to spread it all across the highway. Don’t drink and drive this New Year’s Eve.
As a result we decided to offer an alcohol free venue at Lost and Found this New Year’s Eve. Starting at 6PM, despite the store being closed we will be playing board games through midnight. I know I’m going to try and convince some of those who come to play Xia: Embers of a forsaken star, and we’re going to make sure that Khan (played by Ricardo Montalbán) blows up at midnight by starting the Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan at precisely 10:25:10 PM
I rang him and asked what she was into and he said, “Anything Frozen”.
So, I got her a bag of peas and some pizza rolls.
I went into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, “Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?”
Continue reading I was Christmas shopping for a friend’s daughter
In a freak accident today, a photographer died when a giant cheese wheel crushed him.
To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. They were all shouting, “Cheese!”
I think he was the famous photographer that took pictures of the cheese factory explosion in France?
When he got there, all that was left was de Brie.
I thought that was a sharp one.
So my in-laws (not to be mistaken with the out laws) have this fantastically awful tradition of singing a turkey song that I’m pretty sure they collectively made up. I have, in more recent years, seen others perform it on YouTube and yet it somehow misses the simultaneously comedic and melancholy way that they perform it. Without any further ado hear are the lyrics to the song:
I told him kindergarten.
The visit from this detective made me wonder what I would call myself if I were to become a detective and I realized I would probably go with my middle initial of ‘E’. I would make everyone call me, “Mr. E.”
I recently tried my hand at writing a detective story:
11:45 – arrived at crime scene
11:45 – Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 – Found murder weapon in drain
Continue reading A detective showed up at my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6.
…but I can’t read music, so I don’t know what it says.
So Shannon and I have a piano. The other day Shannon came downstairs to find out what the raucous was all about. She found me banging my head off the piano.
“What are you doing?”, asked Shan in a worried tone.
“I’m trying to play by ear.”, was my response.
They are okay, the injuries were superfishoil.
As many of you are aware, we have been treated poorly by a Pharmacy Benefit Manager, but thanks to everyone that has been stepping up to help, it looks like our injuries from them may also be superfishoil.
We are grateful for the ongoing opportunity to be ‘pillers’ of our community.
Continue reading Did you hear about the pharmacist who got hit with a bottle of omega 3?
For awhile now, I’ve been trying to think in terms of metric. As an example I am 1.85 meters tall and weigh about 80 kilograms. Of course thinking in terms of metric can some times seem a little odd. As an example I was thinking the other day about greedy people.
If you give them 2.54 centimeters, they’ll take 1.60934 kilometers.
I went to a sea food market the other day and found them to be greedy…
After all, everything they do is sell fish.
Maybe I’m just not keeping up with the times. I remember when air was free at the gas stations, and now you have to pay for it. You know why?
Inflation.
Use an internal combustion engine.
So on my way into work today I found myself pondering, ‘What do you call a dinosaur car accident?’
A tyrannosaurus wreck!
So I’ve decided to go really old school this week and tell dinosaur jokes.
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble upon a magic lamp. They rub it, and a genie appears.
“I have three wishes, so I’ll give one to each of you,” the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard. “Alright,” he says, “I’ll have a big, juicy, piece of meat.”
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he’d ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder. “I know! I’ll have a shower of meat!”
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.