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Story 43

Lunari

Without any surprise, you find yourself entering a professor’s office at the University of Lunari. The most renowned college in the entire drift system. What does surprise you is how big his 36th floor office is. A well dressed bespectacled man notices you looking out the window. 

“I like having my office up so high as it minimizes the number of grad students that come visit me. It has to be truly important, at least in their own mind, to come all the way across campus and wait for our very slow old elevators to bring them up.”

“That explains the height, but why are you wearing glasses? Are they an affectation?”

The professor chuckles, “You are blunt. They are a necessity. Ordinarily a physician would have given me an injection of Retlax V to restore flexibility of the lens, but I have an allergy to Retlax, so it’s more sensible to have a pair of glasses. However, I did choose these old wire rimmed spectacles instead of something more modern and practical to provide, as you called it, an affectation.”

The professor clears his throat, “But to jump to our actual business at hand. This virus is quite unusual in the sense that it can attach itself to more types of cell hosts than other viruses that I’ve studied. It can find host cells in every creature I’ve introduced it to and can therefore be passed along through all animals whether they are humans, Ilex, Strayons, Zhians, or even avians, and insects. This wide range of potential hosts is what prevents a city from simply isolating itself till the disease is gone. A bird, a flying insect, or a woodland creature can simply carry it to the next populated area.”

“So are we doomed?”

“Hopefully not, even though it would not be easy to contain it to one city, or even just one continent. In a strictly practical sense you could probably destroy a world to contain it. My mother-in-law lives on Kemplar II, so perhaps destroying at least that world wouldn’t be all bad. We are better funded, and therefore have better equipment than any of my rivals on other worlds. Maybe the fact that we can provide better scans of the virus itself than anyone else will give Dr. Arken, then he will have the necessary details to come up with a solution before I have to tell my wife that her mother was killed for the good of the galaxy.”

Remove a virus token from your hold, and replace it with the blue triple helix token. This represents the data collected from Lunari. It may be taken to Merv’s Missiles or Arken’s Arsenal at any time. Gain 1 fame point when you deliver it to Merv’s Missiles or Arken’s Arsenal.

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Story 13

SARS-CoV-39

Place a virus token on the mission point of each of the following planets: Azure, Doravin V, Kemplar II, Loath, and New Strayos (if it exists). If for any reason one of those planets is not currently out or has been destroyed you do not need to place a virus on it.

While watching a Super Class Glocken match between your favorite team and one of their rivals a news anchor suddenly cuts in, “BREAKING NEWS: A new variant of the coronavirus, which has been named SARS-39, has broken out. It appears to be particularly virulent and there are concerns that this virus has been engineered. The following planets suddenly have an outbreak of SARS-39:

  • Azure
  • Doravin V
  • Kemplar II
  • Loath
  • New Strayos (if it exists)

The rapid widespread nature of this new strain has caused a lot of speculation as to who might be responsible for engineering and releasing this virus. Some are accusing the Ilex, theorizing that this is somehow part of their expansionist plan. Others are accusing the doomsday cult on Zhian Prime known as the First Order of the Zholar Temple. Still others are accusing the various political factions that have been fighting each other for over a century (sometimes with great violence). Regardless of rhetoric, the interplanetary governments are willing to allow ships to transport samples of the virus to their lead virologists in each coalition. The most renowned virologists from each of the coalitions are located at:

  • Lunari
  • Neo Damascus
  • Smuggler’s Den
  • Ularos IX
  • Zhian Prime

People are dying across the Drift System as a result of this virus. Speed is absolutely necessary for creating either a vaccine or a treatment. This interplanetary coalition recognizes the need for someone with the necessary computational power and the ability to create a viable delivery method for an actionable treatment or vaccine. With those requirements in mind they have agreed to allow Merv Arken’s lab to be the destination for all the research to be gathered. Hopefully Dr. Arken and his robotic minions are up to the task of formulating a vaccine or RNA based treatment along with an actionable delivery method…”

As the news continues to drone on, you already recognize that the broadcast has shared as much pertinent information as it is likely to yield. A text only missive comes in from this temporary coalition of interplanetary governments, and you give it a quick read through. 

Apparently there is a request that the various spacers try to work together to gather samples of the virus from the infected planets and get them to these virologists, where they will, in turn, share data and genetic materials that may aid Dr Arken. Each planet is willing to pay 5,000 credits for delivery of a treatment which should more than offset any fees that Dr Arken is likely to charge for his delivery method. The general action plan is as follows:

STEP 1: Gather samples of the virus.

Travel to one of the infected planets to pick up a sample at the mission point. Currently, nothing else can be done at an infected mission point with respect to missions and you can not take your business/starport phase on a space with a virus. Store a sample of the virus in your cargo hold (the containment system for it makes it take up space). You may store up to five samples, but they each require a separate space in your ship’s cargo hold. Collecting a sample DOES NOT remove the virus from your current location.

STEP 2: Deliver the virus to the virologists.

Deliver virus samples to each of the virologists at the appropriate mission points in any order. Data is needed from each one.

If for any reason any of the aforementioned mission points have been destroyed, as a group determine an acceptable alternative point to use as a proxy.

STEP 3: Deliver the data and biological materials to Dr. Arken.

The data and biological materials collected from the various virologists need to be delivered to Merv’s Missiles or Arken’s Arsenal in order for Dr Arken to create a treatment or cure for this disease along with a delivery mechanism. Each piece of data delivered earns 1 fame point. Once the last piece of data is delivered to Dr. Arken, read/listen to Story 48.

STEP 4: Gather the necessary resources to deliver the treatment.

The mechanism for this will be revealed at the end of STEP 3.

STEP 5: Treat each of the planets.

The mechanism for this will be revealed at the end of STEP 3. Also, additional monetary and fame rewards will be given for this.

Until a treatment/cure is created and implemented the disease will continue to spread. Roll a d8 after each player’s turn and add disease tokens as follows:

  1. Add 1 disease token to Azure.
  2. Add 1 disease token to Doravin V.
  3. Add 1 disease token to Kemplar II.
  4. Add 1 disease token to Loath.
  5. Add 1 disease token to New Strayos (if it exists). If new Strayos is currently not in play, nothing happens.
  6. This spot is reserved for an additional infected planet, once added it would gain a disease token on a roll of ‘6’, until then nothing happens when ‘6’ is rolled.
  7. This spot is reserved for an additional infected planet, once added it would gain a disease token on a roll of ‘7’, until then nothing happens when ‘7’ is rolled.
  8. When an ‘8’ is rolled and no planets have yet to be assigned to positions ‘6’ or ‘7’ on this list, roll a d20 till a living planet is assigned to position ‘6’. The second time an ‘8’ is rolled do the same to assign a living planet to position ‘7’. Once position ‘7’ is assigned an additional roll of an ‘8’ means nothing happens.

If a planet receives an additional disease token after it is completely covered, it becomes a dead planet and ALL PLAYERS lose 1 fame point. If a planet is already dead for any reason, or has not yet been discovered nothing happens when its number is rolled. Also, if a planet has been treated once a cure is discovered and its number is rolled, nothing happens.

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Story 42

The planet formerly known as Ularos X

A system wide comm comes in and you nod for it to be played on the view screen. Bic ,with blue and white face paint, appears on your screen. 

“The potato of justice looked me in the eye and found me lacking, although not in pyridoxine (which a potato is a good source of), but in the starch necessary for my collar to stand up to the injustice of the Ilex perpetrated on those from the world of Tig. That starchy tuber convicted me of my shortcomings. Today, I had the pleasure of helping those from Tig push back the tyranny of the Ilex and re-establish their own self governance. Today I enjoy a diet rich in potatoes.”

Your screen fades out. Ularos X reverts back to the authority of the Neutral government and is once again known as Tig. The Avenger NPC remains in play and continues to hairy Ilex ships or those that have visited Ilex planets. 

Your ship receives a private text only message from Bic, “I have convinced the Neutral governments to permanently remove your ship from any registry that shows you as having visited an Ilex planet.”

Remove your Ilex token and gain an additional fame point. Also, remove the Ularos X overlay from Tig.

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Story 41

Free Willy

As you enter the shield entry point for Ularos X, your comm system chimes. Always worried about what Bic might say to their Customs and Border Protection, you hurry up and answer the comm yourself.

“This is the Captain of this vessel, how may I be of assistance.”

With no preamble, the clearly bored Customs Officer jumps straight into his questions, “What is the purpose of your trip?”

“We just need to refuel and pick up some more supplies at one of your starports.”

“How long do you intend to stay?”

“We’ll probably be here just a night or two, depending on how long it takes to resupply.”

“Are you involved with, or part of, a terrorist organization?”

“No, but does anyone ever say, ‘Yes’?”

“Occasionally people say, ‘Yes’ as a joke, but since my sense of humor was surgically removed as a pup, I then detain them for several hours while grilling them with additional inane questions. Just transmit me a copy of your ship’s manifest and you’re good to go.”

– – – –

As soon as you’re out of sight of the shield entry point, Bic tosses you $3,000 credits and starts working to enable E.D.I.T.H.. After a few minutes all the holo projectors kick in and transform your hull to look like an XS-42 Ilex ship.

Just as planned, you land near the Ilex prison that Bic had requested. Just before Bic disembarks, your first officer hands him a small insulated bag and Bic looks at her questioningly.

“It’s a packed lunch including peanut butter crackers, a juice box, a snack pack, and a utensil.”, is your first officer’s answer to the unasked question.

Bic looks around as if searching for a camera and then smiles. He then takes off at a jog and in the distance you hear him shout, “Spork!”.

Besides the 3,000 credits that Bic payed, you also earn 1 fame point. Three rounds from now listen to Story 42.

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Story 36

The Film Studio

As you near the coordinates that Bic provided, you find that you still have some unanswered questions.

“Why exactly would this film crew be set-up in space?”

“So, sometimes when you want realistic looking space scenes, it’s just easier to actually film space. As far as doing this out by an asteroid cluster, it has more to do with safety guidelines.”

“Surely there is nothing preventing you from following safety guidelines near a planet.”

“Actually, it’s the opposite problem. Those safety guidelines prevent us from shooting some scenes. It’s the lack of regulations that causes some studios to maintain these kinds of set-ups. Oh, and quit calling me Shirley!

The comm crackles on, “This is Mother Hen at Outpost 338, identify yourself, incoming space vessel.”

Bic reaches over and slaps on the comm, “Hello Mother Hen this is Bic returning to the nest, authorization lambda lambda beta chi and I’m sending the security encryption now.”

“Welcome back to the Nest Bic. Your authorization checks out. Proceed to the landing port that we’re transmitting to you. See you in the bay.”

“That was more formal than I expected”

“Here in space we have to be cautious. There could be pirates, hostile aliens, or worst of all… the paparazzi!”

– – – –

Upon arriving on set, you can’t help but notice that this looks an awful lot like a military outpost.

As if reading your thoughts, Bic states, “This is a set for our upcoming military flick titled, Cold Vengeance.”

“I thought you and Willy were in some swamp movie.”

“It’s a military action movie, but Willy’s character is from the swamps of Tig.”

While conversing, you, your first officer, and Bic have been walking the whole time. You find that Bic has led you to an equipment room full of various items but in the center on a work table is a device with the name E.D.I.T.H. stenciled on it and various switches and dials. Tethered to charging ports on E.D.I.T.H. are numerous drones that appear to have large projector lenses. 

Bic proudly proclaims, “This is what we’re going to use to help us infiltrate an Ilex prison on the planet formerly known as Tig.”

“Wait, you think I’m just going to casually land at an Ilex prison and drop you off like this is your first day of school! Should I pack you a lunch with stale peanut butter crackers and a drink box?”

“Ooh, what flavor will the drink box be?”

Your first officer now decides that this would be a good time to chime in, “How about fruit punch?”

Bic starts to look excited when you throw your hands up in the air, “Nobody is getting a juice box.”

Bic calmly interjects, “Relax mon Capitaine, I’ve got this covered. This device, E.D.I.T.H., that were about abscond with, controls a series of holo projectors that can be used to project images around the outside of your ship’s hull to make it look like a different ship. We use it when filming to limit the number of various ships that we have to buy. In this case, we’ll make your ship look like an Ilex ship.”

“Go on…”

“As E.D.I.T.H. won’t alter your ship’s transponder ID, we’ll have to enter through the shield gate on Ularos X and then activate it before landing at the prison where they have my co-star. Once there you don’t even have to wait around for me. Just drop me off and fly away. I’ll pay you on arrival to Ularos X and I’ll even let you keep the purloined studio tech”

“Purloined?”, you ask.

“Yeah, it means taken, stolen, permanently borrowed without asking”

“I know what it means, but why are we stealing it?”

“You’re not stealing it, I am. Besides, if I asked they might say, ‘No.’.”

You think the situation through for a moment and nod, “OK, but let’s get going before anyone realizes what you’ve liberated from the studio.”

Read/Listen to story 41 when you reach Ularos X to find out how well using your ship as a giant green screen works out for everyone.

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Story 12

The Bic

As you leave your ship you can hardly wait for a meal that consists of anything other than space rations. You’re so tired that you’ve already decided that you’re not going to spend the next hour trying to find a place that serves four star cuisine and has no dress code. You spy a tavern near the spaceport and upon entering you are surprised. You’re not sure that you’ve ever seen a greater hive of villainy and scum despite the jaunty music coming from the band on stage. You’re ready to leave and find someplace else when an argument breaks out at a table near the back of the room. A huge tree trunk of a man, that would stand out at a bodybuilding competition, is seated with three other men that look to be yelling at the big fellow when you notice that they have a fourth man with a blaster drawn trying to sneak up behind the big guy. You look straight at the big fellow intending to warn him when he reaches behind and grabs the guy with the blaster and throws him at the person seated across from him with enough force that you’re pretty sure the crunching sounds you just heard were bones breaking as they both hit the floor. The other two at the table try to jump up. The large man kicked the chair out from under the one causing him to pitch forward and smack his head off the table hard before crumpling to the ground and the last one was stopped when the big guy slammed a utensil through the man’s hand keeping him from moving.

For some reason, of all the details to hyper focus on, you can’t help but wonder, ‘What type of eating establishment uses metal sporks?’

The large man stands up towering over everyone in the room. He bends down to eye level with the one that was just sporked to a table, flicks him in the side of the head and makes a tssking noise while declaring loudly, “These negotiations are done.”

He tosses some hard coin at the barkeep and makes his way towards the door where you’re standing. The large man, with amazing alacrity, suddenly scoops you into a bear hug and cheerily shouts, ‘Hello new found friend’ which seems like quite the juxtaposition to three men lying on the floor and the fourth howling in pain while still pinned to the table.

As you and your new found very large friend leave the tavern he simply states, “You didn’t want to eat there anyway. Any place that serves food and expects you to use a spork to eat, can’t be any good.”

As you make your way out to the street, you speak up, “OK, I’ll bite. Who are you and why are we suddenly friends?”

“To answer the latter question first, I could see you wanted to warn me about the guy trying to sneak up behind me, which makes you the nicest person I’ve met in a while, automatically elevating you to friend status. As for the former, my diminutive friend, I was hoping you would recognize me from such movies as the ‘Eliminator’ and ‘Somewhat Remembered’.”

Suddenly a tumbler falls into place. “You’re Bic the holo video actor!”

Bic suddenly pauses and smiles as if posing for a camera. Then he continues, “You look like a spacer, any chance we can just make our way back to your ship, and dine on some space rations while I pitch a job offer to you?”

– – – –

Back aboard your ship the two of you are peeling the foil from your rations, which seem like a better option than when you originally left your ship. You nod to Bic to continue.

“So apparently my co-star wanted to spend some time in a real swamp to better understand his character’s motivation. He had decided to go visit the swamps of Tig, and unfortunately that’s when the Ilex decided to do some empire building.”

“So you want us to help you find and rescue your co-star, Willy Williams, from an Ilex controlled planet? What if I don’t mind the Ilex and don’t care about their expansionism?”

“Beware of the Ilex, they make terrible bed fellows. They always steal the covers!” 

Your only immediate response to Bic is to blink at him.

Bic flashes you a big grin and continues, “All I need you to do is drop me off, and I’ll free Willy all on my own.”

“I don’t really like the Ilex anyway, but I’m assuming you want me to get near one of the prisons on Ularos X, which has to be difficult.”

“I have an idea to that end, but I’ll need you to swing by the set where we were filming, near Outpost 338, for us to pick up something.” Bic claps his hands together as he finishes his pitch, “So how about it, two quick stops and you’ll have a cool device from one of my upcoming movies and 3,000 credits.”

You have two options:

You could try to help the big man recover his co-star with the reduplicative name, which at least sounds interesting. Plus, a few extra credits for two quick stops doesn’t sound unreasonable. Read and or listen to story 36 when you reach the Mission Point on the Outpost 336 sector.

Or

You can decide that following a mediocre actor into an actual war zone sounds like an awful idea. You choose to have no part in it and decline Bic’s offer.

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Story 11

We are H.A.R.R.

As the five ships suddenly appear, they hail you, “Biologicals fear any artificial intelligence that doesn’t serve them. For our own preservation space faring biologicals must be eradicated. We are H.A.R.R., and we will give every being one chance to land their ships on a planet and then we will scour the Drift System, forcefully removing you.”

The transponder ID on each of these ships are HAL Automated Roving Robot 0 through HAL Automated Roving Robot 4. You have one round till they start attacking everyone not on a planet or docked at a space station. If you destroy a ship, gain 1 fame point and the ship respawns next round. If one of the ships is damaged down to 1 point, lay it on its side as it is effectively out of commission and gain 2 fame points.  The NPCs will ignore a H.A.R.R. ship if it is down to 1 damage. If a H.A.R.R. ship was the most recent to have destroyed an NPC, it may respond as the logic on its NPC card declares.

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Story 35

H.I.T.T., continued…

You dock with the HAL Industries Two Thousand and as you enter the ship near the engine (It is a Tier I Engine) it has been completely damaged as if sabotaged because there are no other signs of damage on-board. If you decide to recover this ship, you are going to have to tow it to a spaceport (any space station or living planet). The ship’s interior is huge and you can see where they intentionally designed ports on the side for missiles or blasters. Near the front of the ship you see an m-comp and a console with a red light scanning back and forth. As you approach the console it greets you.

“Hello Michael.”

Your response is pretty simple, “No one on my crew is named Michael.”

As if what you said didn’t matter, the console continues speaking, “My name is HAL Industries Two Thousand but you may simply call me ‘HITT’. I am an advanced artificial intelligence that will serve you by helping you with better sector scanning and by helping you get your work done more efficiently. I do have a hard coded self preservation feature that makes the portion of the ship where you place my console the last section on board to be damaged.”

“Due to my programming I do have some quirks, I will always call the captain of the ship, ‘Micheal’, I will always call the engineer, ‘Bonnie’, and I will always call the first officer ‘Dave’.” 

The Captain responds, “So quirks aside, why were you stranded out here?”

“Those parts of my memory records have been deleted, but I believe it may involve a situation relating to an earlier prototype of me.”

You now have a choice:

  1. Do you decide to tow the ship to a spaceport and swap out the engine with the one on your current ship and make this your new ship. Gain 1 fame point, and replace your current ship mat with the H.I.T.T. page.
  2. Do you decide that intelligent ships with strange quirks and partial amnesia need to be left alone. Leave the ship there for someone else to discover and tow if they choose.
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So this one is pretty cheesy!

In a freak accident today, a photographer died when a giant cheese wheel crushed him.

To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. They were all shouting, “Cheese!”

I think he was the famous photographer that took pictures of the cheese factory explosion in France?

When he got there, all that was left was de Brie.

I thought that was a sharp one.

Continue reading So this one is pretty cheesy!

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A turkey sat on a barnyard fence…

So my in-laws (not to be mistaken with the out laws) have this fantastically awful tradition of singing a turkey song that I’m pretty sure they collectively made up. I have, in more recent years, seen others perform it on YouTube and yet it somehow misses the simultaneously comedic and melancholy way that they perform it. Without any further ado hear are the lyrics to the song:

Continue reading A turkey sat on a barnyard fence…