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Story 35

H.I.T.T., continued…

You dock with the HAL Industries Two Thousand and as you enter the ship near the engine (It is a Tier I Engine) it has been completely damaged as if sabotaged because there are no other signs of damage on-board. If you decide to recover this ship, you are going to have to tow it to a spaceport (any space station or living planet). The ship’s interior is huge and you can see where they intentionally designed ports on the side for missiles or blasters. Near the front of the ship you see an m-comp and a console with a red light scanning back and forth. As you approach the console it greets you.

“Hello Michael.”

Your response is pretty simple, “No one on my crew is named Michael.”

As if what you said didn’t matter, the console continues speaking, “My name is HAL Industries Two Thousand but you may simply call me ‘HITT’. I am an advanced artificial intelligence that will serve you by helping you with better sector scanning and by helping you get your work done more efficiently. I do have a hard coded self preservation feature that makes the portion of the ship where you place my console the last section on board to be damaged.”

“Due to my programming I do have some quirks, I will always call the captain of the ship, ‘Micheal’, I will always call the engineer, ‘Bonnie’, and I will always call the first officer ‘Dave’.” 

The Captain responds, “So quirks aside, why were you stranded out here?”

“Those parts of my memory records have been deleted, but I believe it may involve a situation relating to an earlier prototype of me.”

You now have a choice:

  1. Do you decide to tow the ship to a spaceport and swap out the engine with the one on your current ship and make this your new ship. Gain 1 fame point, and replace your current ship mat with the H.I.T.T. page.
  2. Do you decide that intelligent ships with strange quirks and partial amnesia need to be left alone. Leave the ship there for someone else to discover and tow if they choose.
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So this one is pretty cheesy!

In a freak accident today, a photographer died when a giant cheese wheel crushed him.

To be fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him. They were all shouting, “Cheese!”

I think he was the famous photographer that took pictures of the cheese factory explosion in France?

When he got there, all that was left was de Brie.

I thought that was a sharp one.

Continue reading So this one is pretty cheesy!

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A turkey sat on a barnyard fence…

So my in-laws (not to be mistaken with the out laws) have this fantastically awful tradition of singing a turkey song that I’m pretty sure they collectively made up. I have, in more recent years, seen others perform it on YouTube and yet it somehow misses the simultaneously comedic and melancholy way that they perform it. Without any further ado hear are the lyrics to the song:

Continue reading A turkey sat on a barnyard fence…

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Story 10

H.I.T.T.

There it is, right in front of you! It appears to be an empty ship floating derelict in space. It has a deep black color, large weapons ports on the sides, and a very utilitarian square shaped body.

Your engineer speaks up, “I can’t find any visible problems and a quick scan shows no one on board, yet it still has a functional life support system. The ship’s transponder ID is still transmitting.”

“So what’s her name?” 

“According to the transponder, it’s officially named HAL Industries Two Thousand, and according to our own data the manufacturer, HAL, was doing research in artificial intelligence. The company appears to have shut down and disappeared a number of years ago.”

  1. Do you choose to fly off without spending any additional time exploring this new ship? If you choose this option, as you fly away you have a brief comm from the ship with one word, “Michael.” The ship will continue to float here waiting for someone else to dock with the ship, or…
  2. Do you pause to dock with the ship and try to discover why it is just floating here in space? If you choose to dock with the ship you may continue to Story 35.
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Story 9

Wormhole

Something in space suddenly shifts and you see everything around you ripple. One of your crewmen stumbles slightly.

“What was that?”

Your comm officer responds, “An unknown anomaly has occurred and people all over the quadrant are reporting a vertigo sensation, and some ships have reported a sudden and unexplained coordinate change.”

All ships currently on a spawn point suddenly find themselves someplace completely different. Any player or NPC currently on a spawn point must roll a d20 and go to whatever number they rolled. If the number is not out yet, the player that drew this card must sift through any remaining tiles to find the appropriate spawn point and use any legal position for it to connect to the board. That NPC or player will spawn there. If a 20 is rolled, the player will go to the spawn point beside Nyr. The active player may choose to fly through a spawn point this turn, but doing so initiates a d20 roll.

After the active player’s turn this anomaly dissipates.

Clarification: If the Wormhole Event is already in play, this Encounter supersedes it for a single turn.

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Story 8

Sentient Electrical Cloud

As your ship enters the Nebula, you notice an unexpected phenomenon. Numerous pink clouds with electrical arcs are heading right towards your ship. They are moving with tremendous speed and surround you from all directions and stop abruptly about 1 click out. Then, 1 cloud heads straight for your bow and passes right through your ship’s electrostatic barrier and hull. It enters the bridge and comes to a stop about 2 meters shy of you and your command console. You can see that the pink cloud roils in almost a rhythmic pattern as electricity arks through it in various places and a continuous discharge comes from it to the ground as if they were legs holding it off the ground. It begins making electrical buzzing sounds very slowly. Your comm officer flips on the universal translator and the speakers begin to buzz back. The computer and the gaseous cloud continue to buzz back and forth, very slowly at first but with increasing rapidity. After several minutes the translator pings that it has some of the rudimentary parts of the language figured out. 

You offer up a quick introduction of you and your crew to this new entity and you can hear your universal translator simultaneously translating it.

After a momentary pause the entity starts buzzing and for some reason the universal translator seems to include an electrical static sound when interpreting.

“Greetings, ugly bags of water. My name is Zz-zz-zzhao and our people are the Nuh-bess Roessius. We live in this Nebula. We would like to propose a mutually beneficial cultural exchange. First, we would appreciate a transmission containing your literature and other types of media, and we will offer refueling when you pass through our nebula. Second, if you let me travel with you to a new Nebula, I will regularly top off your ship’s power till you get me there.”

  1. You can refuse both as you distrust such generous offers, plus you have too much going on to start taxiing a pink cloud around.
  2. Allowing them access to some old holo videos, music, and what passes as literature for your crew seems like a pretty good deal to save on refueling costs, but you’re not ready to let an alien join your crew. Place the pink cloud token on your current spot in the Nebula. Whenever you stop on that space, move your energy back to full.
  3. For all you know these aliens will turn around and pirate the stuff violating the DMCA, but an extra crew member that doesn’t need much space and will save you time and money on your fuel expenses could be a huge bonus. At the end of every turn recharge your ship to full and whenever you drop Zz-zz-zzhao off in a different Nebula gain 1 fame point. 
  4. You have a personal goal to seek out new life and new civilizations… and make them all learn your favorite catch phrases from various holos. You can expose both Zz-zz-zzhao and the rest of the Nuh-bess Roessius in different ways. Place the pink cloud token on your current space and whenever you stop on that space, move your energy back to full. Also, at the end of every turn recharge your ship to full while Zz-zz-zzhao is part of your crew, and whenever you drop Zz-zz-zzhao off in a different Nebula gain 1 fame point.

Clarifications: In order to refuel your ship you must end a movement on the pink cloud token, but you do not need to end your turn on that space. It will fully recharge your ship at that point but re-arming markers and additional actions that use energy after that point will once again reduce your energy. Zz-zz-zzhao is very compressible and does not take up significant space on your ship. He is also willing to be a navigator joining your crew for shift rotations.

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A detective showed up at my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6.

I told him kindergarten.

The visit from this detective made me wonder what I would call myself if I were to become a detective and I realized I would probably go with my middle initial of ‘E’. I would make everyone call me, “Mr. E.”

I recently tried my hand at writing a detective story:
11:45 – arrived at crime scene
11:45 – Examined body. Signs of struggle
11:45 – Found murder weapon in drain
Continue reading A detective showed up at my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6.

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Story 39

‘Yes’ to the King

Who could pass up a chance to see that classic ship, have a couple of drinks, and hang out with someone while they tell old stories and play some music! Clearly, this guy knows how to Rock!

—

You’ve made your way across your inter-ship docking tube and are starting to get a  little anxious while waiting for the airlock to finish cycling when it stops and pops open. You’re not sure what you expected to see when you first entered, but this was not it. The floor and ceiling are both covered in green shag carpeting with deep piles, and dark wood everywhere from the wood paneling to the ceiling cross beams, to the arms of the furniture which happens to be carved in the shapes of animals. All over the walls are paintings on black velvet canvases. In the far corner you see a tiki bar being ‘manned’ by what looks like a robotic butler. 

The robot speaks up, “Don’t worry, Elvis has NOT left the building, he simply needed to visit the powder room.”

As if on cue, you hear a toilet flush in the next room followed by the brief sound of running water. Out of the double ‘R’ steps your host for the evening. 

“Hey Austin, offer our guests some refreshments and make everyone some peanut butter, banana, and bacon sandwiches.”

“As you wish, sir.”

“Austin is probably the best robotic butler and karate sparring partner in the galaxy.”

“Thank you sir.”

—

You spend an unexpectedly unique evening with the King where he tells you how he spent most of the past century. He tells you that he originally fled the Drift System when he was visiting the prison colony on Loath. Loath had just placed a group of their most hardened criminals on a cryoship and launched them. Elvis was there for PR, and even back then his monarchy had no real authority but only had diplomatic and ceremonial responsibilities. He decided to play ‘Jailhouse Rock’ for the guards and prisoners when a riot broke out and his honor guard barely got him out alive and sent him to a planetary system located in an outer spiral arm of the Milky Way galaxy. It took him a while to gather the necessary resources to come back. In the interceding years, planet Earth also made him an honorary king. 

As the evening wraps up, he ends it with a gift giving you some black velvet paintings for you to decorate your ship with as well. (1 Fame Point)

Retrieve The King NPC card and have the ship start wending its way to Kemplar II.

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Story 38

‘No’ to the King

You and your crew have work to do and hanging out with an old guy that clearly dyes his hair with shoe polish doesn’t seem like the best use of your time.

When you decline, the guitar playing geezer looks sad, but simply responds, “I understand, you’ve got to TCB baby.” 

Retrieve The King NPC card and have the ship start wending its way to Kemplar II.

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Story 7

Hail from the King

An old classic ship in cherry condition flying in from a distance with a brass colored undercarriage, large gun metal black barrels attached to beautifully curved wings, a red paint job that just makes the ship look fast and completely unnecessary fins that your grandpa would have loved. Then a hail comes in on an old frequency that you didn’t even realize was supported by your comm system. Without even thinking your comm officer accepts the hail. Appearing on your screen is a man with black hair and sideburns wearing sunglasses and a white jumpsuit covered in rhinestones. Most interesting is that he is holding a guitar.

“Thank you, thank you very much for accepting my hail. I would like to invite you over to swap stories about the past century and maybe you could enjoy a couple drinks at my wet bar while I strum out a couple of chords on my old ‘63 Gibson.”

No: Proceed to Story 38.

Yes: Proceed to Story 39.